I remember I used to have a hard time waiting for the Oscars to arrive. I shit you not. I would get super jazzed for them, then roll my eyes at the prospect of having to wait for months between the end of the movie year and the stupid ceremony. I, uh, no longer feel this way. The Oscars come around now and I, along with the rest of America, go, “Christ, this again?” This is because I’m older and I’m jaded enough to know that the Oscars are garbage. They are the film equivalent of your boss giving you a new title instead of a raise. And, at age 42, I no longer need my favorite movies validated by a tacky statue voted on by a bunch of senile retirees. I can wait until the cusp of spring for this show. I can wait forever. What’s more, the Oscars have been victimized (loosest use…

Some people are fans of the Houston Texans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Houston Texans. This 2016 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. And buy Drew’s new book here. Your team: Houston Texans. Your 2015 record: 9-7, including losing a game to a literally incontinent Matt Hasselbeck. The Texans won the AFC South thanks to Andrew Luck getting hurt and the rest of the division being an open sewer pit. But something is deeply, deeply wrong with the NFL when a team like this clinches a playoff spot after picking up 58-year-old Brandon Weeden at the bus station. You don’t want that to be one of the high points of your televised product. This team should have been quietly dispatched behind a maintenance facilit…

Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews so far right here. Your team: Green Bay Packers Your 2012 record: 11-5. Hmm. I can’t seem to remember how their season ended. Oh wait! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The Packers have won 26 games in the past two seasons, and in both of those seasons, all of those wins were negated INSTANTLY by a historically pathetic defensive showing in the playoffs. It’s as if those 26 victories were all for nothing. Hollow. Meaningless. How marvelous. Your coach: Mike McCarthy, aka THE BEAVER. The Beav is here mainly to serve as Ted Thompson’s personal Art Howe. Thirty years from n…

So remember the Bubba Bobble Challenge Sex Doll Races tournament, in which the guy was disqualified for — get THIS! — having sex with his "raft?" Well, it turns out, there is video of this spectacle, and it's embedded above. That is to say, there's video of the race, not of the guy breaking all the rules. We can't imagine, watching this video, how he could have possible been confused about the regulations. He spoiled a perfectly normal and typical water race, after all. Embrace Me, My Sweet Inflatable You [Deadspin] …

data-mm-id=”_kwxd2okdt”>It's been a rough week for Odell Beckham Jr. The, uh, high of Monday night and an LSU national championship has come with a major hangover. Between the $100 handshakes and non-consensual butt-slapping, the Cleveland Browns wide receiver has had a lot on his plate, including an arrest warrant. Things have been emerging in drips and drabs, meaning the full scope of Beckham's tornado-like presence at the title game is only now being understood. And because there are multiple elements to it all, pundits have found themselves having to do a lot of explaining and parsing. Most reasonable people agree that college players should be paid. They also agree it wasn't the best idea for Beckham to be doling out real money after the final whistle, but it wasn&#…

data-mm-id=”_a90cpe33y”>In the ever-ongoing search for content while sports remain in recess, First Take decided to tackle the LeBron James/Michael Jordan debate, though they decided to leave the arguments about who's the superior player to Skip and Shannon over at FS1. Instead, the crew used their Wednesday to debate if LeBron's brand will ever surpass Jordan's on a worldwide scale. Stephen A. Smith said he wouldn't rule it out. Can LeBron equal or pass MJ as a worldwide brand one day? I wouldn't rule it out. pic.twitter.com/AUOnEIWz0P— Stephen A Smith (@stephenasmith) April 8, 2020And Jay Williams said the power of the Jordan brand will remain unmatched, perhaps for a very long time. "Think about all the iconic athletes that rep the Jordan shoe brand. …

data-mm-id=”_gqoh559nz”>Tom Bardy is about to play in his 10th Super Bowl. If you think about that, it's actually pretty incredible. And I'm not being facetious. It really is incredible. It's two more than any franchise besides the New England Patriots and obviously they did most of that with Tom Brady. Ten is just such an enormous number. And it's just so big and perfect and we Americans love round numbers, don't we folks?And that's what Patrick Mahomes is facing next Sunday and beyond. Ten Super Bowl appearances. If anyone ever wants to make an argument that Mahomes is the Greatest Quarterback of All Time, they're going to have to contend with this unreal total. This is only the Kansas City Chiefs' fourth appearance. It's Mahomes' sec…

data-mm-id=”_aykj341xd”>Ian Rapoport, appearing as normal on NFL Network today, discussed Lions head coach Matt Patricia's tenuous job security heading into the final stretch of the season. The Lions, sitting at 4-6, are dangerously close to being eliminated from playoff contention before December even begins and, apparently, that could lead to a change in leadership in Detroit. But while that's music to most Lions' fan's ears, what struck me the most from Rapoport's report was the low bar Martha Ford, the former chairman and primary owner of the team, set for Patricia to keep his job going into this season. According to Rap, or at least based on that way he worded it, Ford "demanded" that the Lions had to be "playing meaningful football in Decem…

data-mm-id=”_453750d3q”>Dalton Kincaid was picked by the Buffalo Bills in the first round of the 2023 NFL Draft. Kincaid stayed home to watch the draft with his friends and family, which meant a civilian was in charge of finding the correct hat for the Utah tight end after he was selected. The poor fellow struggled. Mightily. The moment @_DaltonKincaid got the call. 📺: @nflnetwork pic.twitter.com/JiGSoeWrmI— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) April 28, 2023Congratulations to Dalton Kincaid. Unfortunately, the Buffalo Bills hat was not put on the table with the other hats, as rumor has it Kincaid didn’t want to go to the Bills. 👀😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/rL4yWOxiyI— Big E (@ian693) April 28, 2023Shoutout to the dude in Dalton Kincaid’s cre…